Friday, 29 August 2014

Drifting.....









It's been a while.

Apologies for my absence.

I have needed a little break.

In truth, I haven't really had much enthusiasm for blogging.....or much else really.

It's all been about the day to day here.

The Bears have been really rather good this summer hols. Not so much bickering. Big Bear seems to have matured a lot this summer. Suddenly he is so grown up and adult like. I feel pride, but a tinge of sadness too. Where has the time gone? This baby born so small, whose whole hand could fit on my finger nail......taller than me, deep voiced now......sigh.

It has been a strange summer holiday this year.


This month of August seems to have flown by. I have been floating by alongside it. I realise by saying 'floating by', it sort of implies floating, as meaning, floating, dreamily and happy. My sort of floating is a weird sort of floating. Like suspended in air, and being gently pushed along. So I shall perhaps settle for 'drifting' (even though it feels more like floating).

An aimless drift.




Not being able to anchor myself to anything, but grabbing hopelessly at everything as I see it going by me. I get this feeling every now and then. It passes, so I just roll with it.

I have these lines going round in my head when I lay my head on the pillow at night...

'....A herd of shepherds to herd the sheep, sleep now my only one....'

I have those lyrics in my head when I close my eyes at night.

I've been listening to Kate Bush a fair bit at the moment. I actually listen to her a lot, but I always find when I feel the way I do, I am usually drawn to her more. It transports me to time in my life when, for various reasons, she was always played. A time in my life, when I look back on it, was really just perfect. So when I listen to her, I feel how I felt all those years ago. In a split second I am calm, I am comforted, I feel safe; and for the time I hear her voice, I feel like I am all okay again. It's my fail safe. Good old Kate.

 I feel like I've been here in body, but my mind is elsewhere. Before I know it, the day has gone, and I can't say that I've been utterly present in it. I'm aware this makes me sound quite weird. Probably it's coming across as more weird than it actually is though.

I think I just have been very lost in thought.

VERY

My younger brother tells me I think too much. I realise I DO over think everything...to the point of missing opportunities.........perhaps. 

I tell him he is WAY too impulsive. 

He notes this too. 

We wonder how we can both be so different.




I think I'm spinning a lot of plates. I don't like plate spinning. I like plates firmly on shelves.........perfectly still. I'm out of my comfort zone. It unsettles me. I think this is a period of change for me too in many aspects of my life. Subtle changes.....but still, I am not good with change. It takes me a month or two to adjust to things. Also, I can feel the subtle shift in the weather. The summer is fading. I don't think I am ready for anything else yet. So many grey and wet days leading up to the sunshine. I longed for it so hard this year, more than I have ever done so I think.  I'm not ready to give it up. I'm not ready for the change into Autumn.



I'm just not ready.





I have thought about my blog space here too. I had to decide really, last year, where I was going to go with it. After being absent on it so much with being more on Instagram, I had to think about what I wanted from this little space here. I felt like people wanted more of me than I was prepared to give, or,  I suppose, felt comfortable giving. That's why for a while, Instagram seemed the happier option. I felt like I was being a bit overwhelmed here and it was easier to just run away onto Instagram. People asked things of me which would have 'promoted' me.  I realised I just wasn't all that comfortable with it. Shyness I suppose played a big part, but I immediately felt like I was losing control a bit. I didn't like the feeling that perhaps I might start to lose what say I had in stuff that mattered to me.




I know people say it's good to get out of your comfort zone, but I just find it so difficult. Like I said....I'm no good with change. So, I decided last year to ditch Instagram, and come back full time to blogging.........but to scale it all back. Just go back to basics, and feel happy and unpressured with what I was doing.......and when I was doing it. Mostly I think I am happy with my choice. Sometimes I feel that maybe I'm cutting off my nose to spite my face. My close friends think  I am an idiot and that I've totally wasted opportunitues. Perhaps I have. So when people start knocking at the door once more, I have to ponder on it all over again. 

The parable of the drowning man springs to mind.




It's a double edged sword this blogging malarky at times. But I wouldn't trade it. I have my wobbles at times, when I'm restless, or when I self doubt, but, I'm always glad I have this space to record bits of my life and things that I make. And I do so love this community here. It feels special. Many bloggers I started this road out with have totally ditched their blogs now, succumbing to the Siren's call on Instagram. I know there is a huge crafting community on there, but the community on here feels exta special. Maybe just because it's smaller...maybe more concrete. Maybe because blogs are more than about a picture. It's nice to have something concrete to record. A permanent diary. A chunk of a day, week, month.....and not just a moment. I know I'll be glad in years to come that I had kept this little space to record my thoughts....my moments in time.








So, I think I'll be happier when the new term starts. 

Order again.




Less time to over think. Less mess around me, with the three bears back in school. A tidy house, a tidy mind. A clear.....fresh mind.



I shall miss the leisurely breakfasts though. They seem to last right through until lunchtime.

Slow pouring coffee

Jam that always has the lid off

The waft of fresh toast....





....Yes, I have enjoyed that very much.

But I am ready for the order to begin.

I will have adjusted to the shifts of time and life, and be more myself again. I know I'm not alone in this feeling. We all get it from time to time. I think it's maybe just several moments of my life changing subtly at the same time. It's just making me feel a bit 'out of sorts' for a short spell. It must be part of life.


Maybe when the order is restored, my crafty ways will come back to me. I have a few projects on the go, but abandoned throughout August. Once I reclaim my mojo, I'll be raring to go with them. I liked how they were shaping up before I put them down.




Thank you, for all your comments you take the time to write here in my little space. I know life is hectic, and I hugely appreciate that you take the time to post a comment. I am grateful too, to have you guys here. You 'get' me.

I am trying harder to be able to visit you all, but, sometimes I fail miserably when time is not on my side.


I will come and visit you soon...........




xxx

....and here's if you fancy a dose of Kate.....

My late night driving 'go to', and some of my most favourite lyrics....ever.




....all the dreamers are waking.....






Thursday, 31 July 2014

When In Doubt......










Do something that makes you happy....makes you calm.......






Go for walks and breathe in the country air....




Drink in the golden glow as the sun starts to set....



...and marvel at its beauty.








Bake a cake...for no other reason than you just want to.




....and love nature, for all that it brings....











I have felt restless this week. Doing simple things has been lovely. The Bears have been good......no massive bickering this week....phew. I have just been thinking a lot about stuff. This little blog of mine. What I want from it. I'm trying to figure it out. Every now and then I think long and hard about it and where I am going with it. Sometimes I feel satisfied with it, sometimes I feel bored with it......and sometimes, I'm not sure if it's going anywhere. But does it need to be? Maybe I just feel blah and my little space here bears the brunt of it.

I'm taking a short little break......just a little one. Just some time to gather my thoughts, spend time with the Bears and not feel tied to anything.

I'm sure when I'm back I'll have mountains of words to write and pictures to upload.


Until then.......


xxx








Friday, 25 July 2014

Emotions and Makes.......



This week has been a tough one.

The last few days of term. Always so busy.

Baby Bear finished at his Infant School. If I am honest, I had been dreading that moment. I loved his school. I loved the staff. I loved the atmosphere. He has blossomed over the last three years there. As each day counted down over the last couple of weeks, I had noticed a knot in my tummy. Everything was crammed into the last couple of weeks of term, and I just wanted to relax....and savour his last couple of weeks there. I think, knowing he's my last baby, and he's growing up, it's marking an end of an era for both him and myself. I have felt heavy hearted this week......and a tad emotional. On his last day, I dropped him off, came home and had a little weep. Of course, Baby Bear thinks nothing of it. He likes his new school and all the children will be going to it also, so he doesn't lose any friends. I guess it's more about my feelings towards closing a chapter on my life forever. I don't do change well. It takes me quite a while to adjust. Once my little emotional blip was over, I was able to concentrate on other stuff.


At least there's the summer hols. I'm preparing myself mentally for mess everywhere. It's funny that the older Bear's are awake earlier when they are on their school holidays and always up before i'd ever need to wake them on a school day. On a school day, I have to holler several times, and often threaten them with a wet sponge if they continue to lay in bed. Middle Bear was making himself a lunch by 9.15. No kidding. I asked him why. His reply was that he had had his breakfast at 6.30, so it was reasonable to presume that lunch would be next. I asked if it was reasonable to presume that a second lunch would be taking place at midday? Of course was his reply (and looking at me like I was a complete muppet for asking). Geez, I'm going to be spending a FORTUNE on food these next 6 weeks. The eldest Bears have grown about a foot in the last 6 months. I don't think that has helped either. I suddenly feel old.........and REALLY short. By week three of the holidays I'll be ready to get the 6 hours back, so I can get the rooms looking decent again.

So, to take my mind off the end of a chapter in my life, I've been crafting little bits of this and little bits of that.

It's been ages since I had my paints out. I really enjoyed my crafty exploits.




Baby Bear and Middle Bear share a room, and my plan is to re-jig it in the holidays. Move furniture, splash a bit of paint about and make it look a bit more decent for them.

I had been thinking about a dark feature wall, and constellations. I have loved the 'Fur Neil' Moon Painting by Martin Krusche  here and was very tempted to get it to put above Baby Bear's bed......until I saw a fab crafty idea on pinterest which led me here. The Mommo Design blog is brilliant for ideas for kids rooms, with lots of Ikea hacks to make cheap and fun creative rooms. I thought this lamp was such a fab idea as I could kill two birds with one stone. Baby Bear needed a new bedside lamp, and this was just perfect. A lamp was bought from Ikea and away I went. I am pleased with the outcome for a first attempt. I just need to do the rest of the room now to be able to put it in, but Baby Bear likes it, so job done.



So this is my attempted version. 

This is how it looks in daylight above. It really just 
looks globe like.



This is how it looks when it's switched on. More moon like with the crater effect.



And here it is in the deepest and darkest of night.




Oh. My. Word. 





I LOVE IT




It will look fab by Baby Bear's bed. Trouble is, I'd quite like one for myself. It even could make a welcome home in my kitchen. Perhaps another trip to Ikea. Any excuse.




I also dressed up my bunny lamp. I've had this for a while. I think most are sold with a bit of colour, but I got this one from the White Company with some vouchers I had......and true to the White Company's ethos, the bunny was totally white. She needed a little bit of pink and brown to make her come alive and match her younger sister. So, whilst the paints were out, she got a little make over too. Nose and ears pinked up a little, and eyes browned. 'Hazel' looks much happier I have to say.




I also started another project with some gifted yarn. The joy of relatives. I am always willing to receive unwanted yarn from them. Not sure if I actually have enough to finish what I have started but I will give it a go. I haven't got around to getting more yarn for my project from my last post. Many thought it was a doily, it's actually a cushion cover. I have two rounds left to do on the first side then make a start on the back. It's from the 'Woman's Weekly' vintage collection, and it's a re-worked 1970's pattern. The pattern is available to download online from their patterns website if anyone is interested.


I finished off some pot holders that had been lounging in my unfinished pile for a while.











And I did a whole heap of starching, to give some body to my other ones...





That was a heap of fun. I felt very domesticated!




I baked this week too. Not for me. I'm trying to steer clear of bad food. My life is full of fruit, veg, water and green tea. 





Not the most appealing, I'm a sucker for sugar, but I am trying. I made some shortbread for Baby Bear, and Big Bear made some banana and blueberry mini muffins. 





All good stuff, and all eaten pretty much straight away. I'm not even sure any of the muffins got cold.



In truth I just wanted to stamp on cookies.


I also stumbled upon the most brilliant book. 






For a while I have pinned some great food ideas on Pinterest. I like picnics in the summer and love container food that is delicious and easy to transport. I found a couple of pins of desserts in mini mason jars, that can be made and transported easily in these individual jars for picnics. Mini cheesecakes were my favourite. Anyway, this book was all about the jar. I loved the thought of making something actually in the jar, cooking it, letting it cool down, twisting on a lid and shoving it in a picnic basket. If you cook with mason jars they are fine to bake with in the oven. How simple is that? Less washing up, quick and simple. This book has three chapters. Cooking all sorts of food in the jars for picnics and outings. Another one for actually making treats and putting them in the jars to give as tasty treats to friends and family. Then, my favourite one, layering dry ingredients to give as baking gifts to friends and family. Just layer ingredients, put on a lid, tie with some pretty ribbon and attach a pretty tag with recipe instructions (like in the picture). A lovely homemade idea and one I will be doing this coming christmas.




I am making the most from my hydrangeas this year too. They are on the turn now outside. They have given me a brilliant show this year. I really am a pants gardener, so anything surviving and producing some flower of beauty is always simply amazing to me.


On my trip to Ikea to get the moon lamp I picked up a few of these planters. A complete bargain in the sale. Some will be given away to family, but I'd like to do something crafty with the ones I keep. I'm liking lampshade ideas, but we shall see.




Apart from being emotional this week, I do love the holidays and am glad they are here. Gently waking up. Having longer breakfasts, and getting ready when I want. Taking time over my morning cuppa and even enjoying an early morning read. Can't be all bad.



I've washed and sorted china and loved looking at prints.














I do love Greengate. 

So....a big ride of a week.

I hope next week is a bit more relaxing.

Have a super duper weekend.

xxx















Friday, 18 July 2014

Friday......



Errgghhhh it's so humid.

Rain and thunderstorms tomorrow.......I cannot wait.

I'm like a bear with a sore head when it's humid. I wilt. I have no energy, and I hate it when everything's an effort.

Moan over.




It's been a busy week. Family have been visiting. Lots of outings. Lots of coffee and cake. Lots of full evening meals and glasses of wine. Eeeeek. I had salads and light meals planned in my head, but it didn't pan out that way. 






I'm not complaining though on that front. What's life without a few pleasures? I got to visit some of my favourite places.







Oh well. I will be good again next week.

Onto new projects. But i'm irritated. My fault, but i'm still irritated. I had wanted to make something for quite a while. I was sure that I recognised the pattern book. I wasn't sure if I had it or if I had seen it at a relatives house. Not really trusting my own memory at the moment since 'flask gate', I thought i'd maybe have to try and get the pattern book on ebay or try and see if the pattern was available to buy online. Last week, after one of my book sorts, low and behold I came across the book. 

Yay. Happy me.

Buying the said yarn amount on one of my trips out, I couldn't wait to get started. I chose a different yarn from the one specified. Same style, similar colour, but I hadn't realised that my yarn had 20m less a ball than the one specified (WILL I EVER LEARN?), so i'm out and I can't finish it yet. Grrrrrrrrrrr. I'm liking it though, and it just means another trip out next week when the weather is a bit fresher.




Oh well, I can't be distracted from the mundane cleaning and ever increasing washing pile today.

No rest for the wicked as they say.

Happy friday all


xxx